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4 Ways To Try Tantric Sex Tonight

written by Carrie Borzillo - May 30, 2016

is an award-winning journalist and author of three books. She writes about sex/relationships for Men's Health, DAME, and Canadian online pharmacy

When most people hear the words Tantric sex, they think it means having sex for hours on end. If you're a busy mom with kids, your response is likely, "Who has time for that?!" And, if you're the Average Joe, you're thinking, "I can't last for seven hours!"

Don't fret. Tantric sex is not about having intercourse for hours on end. We can partially blame rock star Sting for this widespread misconception because of his now-infamous 1990s interview where he said he has seven-hour tantric sex sessions with his wife Trudie Styler. He later clarified that the seven hours wasn't all intercourse. "It's all about being intimate, about caring for your partner, really engaging in intimacy before you, you know… have sex. And that's the premise of Tantra, really. It's simply engagement with your partner," Sting told James Lipton on The Actor's Studio.

He's right about the intimacy and engagement, but it's not that simple. You see there are many ways to incorporate Tantra practices into your sex life. Instead of giving you tips and a how-to guide on how to give Tantric sex a try, we found four people to share their extremely different experiences to give you a real view of what it's all about.

Building Deeper Intimacy Through Breath Work

"I'd been doing something during sex that I didn't even know was Tantra until I started learning more about the practice. When I'm with someone, I like to connect my breathing with his so we are breathing at the same time in the same pattern and maintaining eye contact. This, I'd come to learn is a principal of Tantra.

My way of getting my partner to connect in this way is to cover or plug his ears and get close to him so that we can feel each other's breath. When you block out other sound, all you can hear is the heartbeat and the breathing so it really puts you in the moment. It also makes them look at you and nothing else. This makes you both more present, more in-tune with what's going on with each other, and more connected. You pay more attention to your partner and that brings you closer and creates more intimacy.

It also puts your energies on the same wave-length during sex, so if you want to slow it down a bit or speed up your partner can feel that without you having to verbalize it. You're really listening to each other's bodies more closely. It makes you not just focused on your own pleasure, but on your partner's pleasure and in-tune with what he wants." -Trevor, 27

Achieving Non-Ejaculation Multiple Orgasms

"When I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time, he started making orgasm noises and then the noises stopped, but he wasn't totally soft. He went from hard to semi-hard. I was like, 'What's going on here?' So I kept going... and going and going. And he'd make noises again and stop and it kind of went back and forth like that, but he didn't come.

He finally stopped and said, 'Sorry, I had just had three really great orgasms. I can't go anymore.' I was like, 'Uh, no you didn't. There was no ejaculate. I've given blowjobs before and I know when a guy comes.' He insisted that he came and I started getting really annoyed. I know when a guy comes and he didn't come! I thought he was faking it, that he was lying.

He was laughing at my indignation, but I was really ticked-off. He finally explained that it's an aspect of Tantric sex. I knew he was into meditation and studied Buddhism, but I still wasn't buying this Tantric sex thing. But, he explained that it's all about breath and muscle control, and controlling himself to stop right before ejaculating, but still feeling the sensations of having an orgasm. It's like an ebb and flow of going from hard to semi-hard and stopping right before ejaculation. Essentially, he was having multiple orgasms with me.

After the Tantric blowjob, we tried it during sex a few times, but it wasn't really our thing." - Jane, 47

Tantra Breast Massage for Self-Empowerment & Foreplay

"I got into Tantra so that I could feel more powerful in myself and achieve things in my career that I want. I feel really powerful and confident during sex and if I can feel like that all the time, I'm going to kick ass. So, I took a course with Tantra coach Psalm Isadora and one of the things I learned is the Tantra Breast Massage. I did this for me, but I also brought it home to my share with my husband.

(Courtesy of

You can do this by yourself, in front of your partner, or with your partner joining in. After I took the class, I decided to do it in front of my husband as foreplay. For me, the act of doing this in front of someone has that added element vulnerability. Normally I'm wondering about how I look and feeling self-conscious, so this helped me learn to not judge myself, to let go, and just feel confident in my own skin.

Lying down on your back, you start with taking long, deep breaths that are audible. You want to hear yourself breathing. Then, you use a feather-like touch to gently caress your body - but only your torso, working up to circling your breasts, and finally touching your nipples. As you inhale through your nose, you tilt your hips up and as you exhale you drop your hips back down again. It feels sexy and builds sexual energy that runs through your body in waves. It made me really listen to my body and feel where I was most sensitive. I was more present, which was the intention.

I did this in front of my husband and just let him watch me as I got myself turned on. Once we started having sex, I used the same breathing technique and hip tilts and it made everything much more intense. I also did the kegel squeezes during sex, which enhanced the experience further. When people think of ways to spice of their sex life, they normally think of kinky things, but this is another way to change things up that is more intimate." -Jessica, 31

Visualizing Techniques for a Stronger Connection

"There are so many different forms of Tantra and the one that I've practiced is Egyptian. I learned about it in the book The Magdalene Manuscript: The Alchemies of Horus & the Sex Magic of Isis by Tom Kenyon and Judi Sion. It's about Mary Magdalene's sexual relationship with Jesus and how she was a high initiate of the sex cult of Isis, the divine mother who is responsible for all life.

The book includes Tantra exercises to try and one is a visualization technique where you visualize two serpents - a black one and a silver one - intertwining up your spine. When they reach your pineal glands in your brain that's where they come together and kind of kiss. You visualize this as you use this specific breathing technique that's a very deep and rhythmic pattern.

These practices symbolize unifying all aspects of your being. It also encourages synchronizing as partners, or even just with yourself. The idea is to strengthen the Ka body and Ka is the Egyptian word for life force, similar to Chi or Prana. The objective of strengthening our energy field is to allow for manifesting specific desires into your life through this practice. Serpents represent Kundalini energy and are a symbol of sacred sexual power.

The book says to practice it with a partner, but you can practice it by yourself as well. That's one of the great things about Tantra, everyone thinks you need a partner for this, but you don't. It can be a practice you do by yourself and even for yourself. But, I told my partner that I was using this visualizing technique during sex and he said it felt powerful. I felt more connected to him in a way I had never before and it also intensified my orgasm significantly." -Juniper, 35



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